self Loathing

self loathing is an interesting concept. what does it really mean to hate ones self? well since i am pretty much an expert in this i am going to tell you. hating yourself is when you can't stand to look in the mirror. when the person that is looking back at you is both unrecognizable in the slightest. but also not someone that you would befriend. i hate writing posts like this but i have to get this shit out of my head. i can't even see straight with all the chatter. someone very important to me told me that i should do this so here goes......

There's a level of comprehension
_____i constantly cling to
a harness of safe keeping
_____for my mind
yet as decisive as i am to be logical
_____i sometimes long to come down
for a taste of senseless stupidity
_____and irrational reasoning
but filled quickly
_____an incomplete fullness
stemming from a gorge on illogical behavior
_____leaving me with a desperate
life threatening need
_____to purge
to retreat back into my mind
_____systematically organized
to rational perfection
_____an illusion for my own eyes
to hide the true chaos that
_____is me