Jumping Ship and Moving On

This has proved to not only be one of the longest weeks of my life but also one of the hardest. i'm 23 and now have 2 failed marriages under my belt. I have had a lot of time to myself to think the last few days and have come to the conclusion that i am done. I made a mistake and i kissed another man that was not my husband. Judge me if you will but it just happened. i am not making excuses for what i did. it was wrong end of story. HOWEVER the whole situation was a little blown out of proportion. i didn't sleep with him. i never intended to. and i had fully wanted to tell my husband myself. unfortunately we had in out group what i like to refer to as a drama causing whore. who decided that since she saw what happened that she wasn't going to pull me aside and confront me, she wasn't even going to pull my husband aside and tell him privately. instead she told pulled aside EVERYONE in our group that was hanging out that night and told them instead. I dunno what ass backwards world you come from but last time i checked that is not how adults do things. Which brings me to the problems that her plan of action caused. Not only did i not have a chance to tell my husband myself (all of this happened in a matter of seconds) but he had everyone telling him how to handle the situation and what to do. I love my husband but when it comes to other ppls opinions and such he is a push over. its just how he is. so he went with everyone else's advice. he didn't wanna talk about it, didn't wanna hear my side, he told me to get my shit and get out. He decided that it was easier to call our marriage quits than to try and even attempt to work it out. which brings me to one of two conclusions. Either he really is that much of a push over to his stupid high school friends, or he was looking for an exit and took the first one that came. that last one i have heard from several ppl and almost makes sense. On top of everything, he tells me that he never again wants to see my son. It's fine to drop me on my face but Mini Ninja? What the fuck did he do to you?!? so there is the story. there is what happened. i am not a victim, nor am i the whole villain in this. Label me and judge me as you will but i know what has to happen from here. So i am going to pick myself up and dust off and start all over again. AND if anyone thinks for a second that i am ever getting married again then you can go jump of a bridge. obviously marriage doesn't suit me and i can't force a talent i do not posses.

Hindsight is 2o2o

I don't think that anyone intentionally throws their life away. I didn't wake up this morning thinking "oh i'll just destroy my marriage, all of my friendships and mine and my sons futures." But i did. I fucked up (sorry for the language) Bigger than any mistake that i have ever made b4. and i destroyed 4 lives in the process. now we all have to sift through the rubble of disaster. And i am wondering who will make it through still standing, who will give up, and who will try but just isn't strong enough to make it through. i have a feeling that i belong in the last group. and i don't know at this point where anyone else stands. was it worth it? i don't think so. i think that i finally let my impulses take me somewhere i was never suppose to be. that being said what was done is done. i can't take anything back. i finally understand the meaning of "Dig your own grave, lie in it"