sitting here in my mom's front room the last two days have been a whirlwind of emotion. but i think leaving everything behind and getting on a 13 hour train ride will do that to some ppl. it's beautiful out here. Nic is having a blast. My mom absolutely adores him. things so far are good. Patrick and i have been talking. and at first i didn't want to. i did but i didn't want him to think that the only reason i was talking to him was because i got screwed. but now i am glad we are. we've talked about everything. from beginning to end. what happened, why it happened, what we both did wrong, what we both would have changed. and the more i talk to him the more i wonder what is wrong with me? how did i have some one that amazing and screw up that bad? i don't think that i will ever know for sure why things really happen the way they do. why ppl veer so far left off the path that was so right for them. why i lost my god damn mind.... ii have a lot of pieces to pick up. a lot of bridges to mend. and getting my life back into my own control is all that matters. and i am taking life by the wheel right now. this is me. i have a son to raise and a life to build for the two of us. and that's all that matters now. so goodbye past. goodbye regrets today is a new day and today is mine!
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