Hindsight is 2o2o

I don't think that anyone intentionally throws their life away. I didn't wake up this morning thinking "oh i'll just destroy my marriage, all of my friendships and mine and my sons futures." But i did. I fucked up (sorry for the language) Bigger than any mistake that i have ever made b4. and i destroyed 4 lives in the process. now we all have to sift through the rubble of disaster. And i am wondering who will make it through still standing, who will give up, and who will try but just isn't strong enough to make it through. i have a feeling that i belong in the last group. and i don't know at this point where anyone else stands. was it worth it? i don't think so. i think that i finally let my impulses take me somewhere i was never suppose to be. that being said what was done is done. i can't take anything back. i finally understand the meaning of "Dig your own grave, lie in it"